I’ve come to realise that life (or maybe just my life) is a repetition of a single cycle. It’s quite concerning, because the cycle continues, even with the bad stuff and I never seem to learn how to prevent these things from happening. I hate change and yet I wilfully choose to change things in my life constantly, and then fail to cope with the change for the first few months of it. I hate emotions and yet I allow my emotions to control many a thought, fear and future plan. I cannot deal with a lack of realness and yet I avoid the conflict of calling it out and dealing with it. Cycles…
My current cycle has brought me to a change in employment. I didn’t hate my previous job – I just thought that it was the right thing to do – for my growth and career goals, I still feel it was the right move and yet…in my first week of walking around knowing no one and trying to learn processes and procedures, I fail to cope. Hopeless!
My current cycle has also brought me to a new stage in love – it’s wonderful and great and fuzzy and ya ya ya…and I’m certain that this is the man I’m supposed to be with forever, but it doesn’t mean that because of that certainty that it’s all perfection. It comes with the mess of two different people understanding and learning how to cope together, it comes with the merging of two families and varied upbringing and expectation – it comes with emotional change and then…I fail to cope. Even more hopeless.
So what I have now is a mess of emotions, a struggle of newness and the realization that I am blessed…strangely contradictory because I do acknowledge my blessings, but it’s easier to cry and feel as though the world is failing me. The MOST hopeless!
I have a niece – a gorgeous spark of a young lady who has a feisty personality, boldness and courage that I cannot even express perfectly in writing. She is beautiful and has a heart the size of Africa. She teaches me something every single time I’m with her and she helps me to understand the most unselfish love. The reason I mention her is because I have someone else to think about now – while it may not be close to parenting, being an aunty means that my heart breaks when she is sad because she wasn’t invited to playgroup, or when she doesn’t understand why people have different skin tones and why some kids don’t have mummy’s or daddy’s. It means that I want to constantly prevent her from pain, from confusion and God forbid, from heartbreak.
I think sometimes we’re so busy growing up and adulting that we forget the fundamentals. We forget the stuff that we want to teach our kids, nieces, nephews and grandchildren. We focus on goals and aspirations and when we burn out its because we’ve lost focus of the tiny targets that we started off life with. In thinking this way – the best way for me to express the emotional chaos right now and to help me to come back to my tiny targets, I am thinking about what I never want Emma to forget and so …if I had to teach Emma (and myself) anything – this is what it would be.
It’s that simple – it needs no additional explanation, you’re just beautiful. Regardless of the size of your thighs, the waves in your hair or the freckles on your face – you’re beautiful. Believe it and it will solve a multitude of problems. You’ll never feel inadequate, you will never allow anyone to make you feel less, you will always walk with confidence and you will shine. No matter what the world throws at you, your beauty is so much more than what the world sees, it’s the beauty of who you are, of how you love and what you appreciate. Your beauty is a culmination of all the best and worst parts of you. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
You’ve lived all these gazillion days and have not managed to fall apart to your death, you have handled stress, dishonesty, meanness, pain, hurt, disappointment, failure. You’ve risen and have dealt with each of the horrible days in your life and you have come out on top. At some stage between the pain you have had a reason to smile, or laugh uncontrollably or just be happy. That is -you being capable. Never doubt your ability to handle whatever is going on – cry for a while if you need to, but know that you’re capable or so much more than you think – and you will be okay.
You’re destined for great things.
This comes from my faith and while many may view it from a different angle – it’s the same concept. Whatever your belief in what’s “after”, your purpose is great! You were brought into this world with a purpose, and whatever it is, it’s magnificent. If you change the world and create world peace, or you change a single life…your destiny is to be more. Believe that and live it each day. Wake up with purpose and a plan on how to be better, strive to be great because that’s what you were created for…and never ever ever see yourself as small. You’re great and powerful and can do anything you want.
The world has a funny way of telling us who we need to be. It has the ability to make you question what you want, how you live, respond and accept things. What you need to know is that none of that matters. You be you! A wonderful mess of emotions and conflicting fears, a beautiful masterpiece of certainty and uncertainty, the truest and realest reflection of who you are. Stand up for what you believe in, require respect through who you are and how you live and never allow anyone to change that. When you fall in love, let him love the best and worst parts of you, when you work, do it with honesty and you’ll be successful, when you live – live a life of conviction in who you choose to be and what decisions you make. Don’t allow the world to change you!
Success is your own.
This is twofold. Firstly never measure your success on other people – what people show you and what’s real isn’t always the same – never forget that. We live in a digital age of gorgeous pictures and beautiful smiles and success is not measured against those things. Secondly your success is yours. Whatever you choose to do, be successful at it. You don’t need to work with money or be a professional person according to the world – you be the best whatever you choose…do whatever you do with joy and find success in your achievements.
Your imagination will take you places…
Finally – remember to stay young. When you were little and wanted a unicorn and fairy dust to create magic. When you imagined a garden full of friends and ate mudcakes, when you danced to music in your head and spoke to your “friends” that no one else could see – that’s the magic that you should never lose. The seriousness of life doesn’t allow for magic, we’re too focused on realistic goals and visible targets – believe in the magic on the unknown, imagine your future and dreams and make them happen. Good imagination is a sign of great intelligence.
My darling Emma, I hope that the world keeps you smiling, I hope that this life brings you fulfilment and endless joy – I hope you never forget that you’re beautiful, capable and a MAGNIFICENT success. I wish you the endless joy through great friendships and real relationships. I hope you never experience the feeling of having no one – because for as long as I’m here – I will be here to help you through every step, when you forget your imagination, when your heart breaks and when you fail, I will remind you of your unicorns, I will encourage learning from your failures and I hope that you continue to teach me…as you have.
Just like I will never be able to shield Emma from the pains and realities of life – so too, I can’t control the people around me, how they view me, respond to me or react to how I live – but I can remain myself – I can understand my own worth and I can live with the conviction of self. I can never ever doubt who I am and the pureness of my heart and I can continue to grow despite – I know that everything will be okay – it always is, but as I go through the dark days of hopeless cycles, I am encouraged by the little person in my life – by her search for magic, her smile, her ability to create happiness and I’m reminded to spend some time being young and enjoying moments…even while I continue to grow, try to ‘adult’ and to be the inevitable success that I am destined to be.